She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
