I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
