I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
