I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
