i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
