he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
