I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
