my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
