Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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