Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
