all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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