He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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