I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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