I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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