I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
