Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize