Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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