Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
