Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
