I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
