We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
