Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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