as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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