This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
