Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
