I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am midnight drunk by noon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize