I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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