Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
