just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
