so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
