matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
