Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
