If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
