It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
