party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
