Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
