Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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