The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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