Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
