i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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