So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize