I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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