dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
