Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
