Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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