It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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