dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
