I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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