i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
