are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
