My sheets look like a crime scene.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
