from now on my penis is your penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
