that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
