that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize