thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
