how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we should paint friendship bongs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
