Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
