They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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