We won't sleep together?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
