The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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